Nighty-night

Michael Greene -- Home Textiles Today, 11/13/2000 12:00:00 AM

I never would have thought it possible until I met my ol' buddy, Carlton Chutney, the world's extraordinary Brit entrepreneur who believes that anything is possible with applied, entrepreneurial know-how. He's a first-class dreamer but is also a first-class doer. Unlike sharp I.P.O.-ers, he doesn't use all kinds of Wall Street whoop-dee-dos to squeeze shekels out of poor suckers who believe the babble of Internet boiler rooms after the Wall Street bell has sounded.

Well, I was driving down the West Coast's Big Sur trail and had stopped for a banana split at Lonesome Calorie's when I spotted my Brit buddy in his usual attire of tweedy jacket with sharp, contrasting ascot.

"Chutney!" I called. "What in the world are you doing here on the West Coast? Don't they dish out banana splits in London?"

"Nothing like this one, Michael," he answered. He never called me "Mike." It was too informal.

"Well, if it's not a banana split that's the drawing card, then I guess it's got to be the VC guys at Silicon Valley," I said.

"Right, as usual, kid. I just met with the venture gentlemen there, and they sure love my "Midnite Madness" idea. They said it made marketing sense and will bring a million hits a day on our website. The VC guys ate it up! They definitely agree that we've been missing the boat when we market sleep and comfort products during daylight TV when people are trying to stay awake. Instead, we should do our thing during late-night hours when they're trying to sleep. They'll love us because we will be serving their immediate needs, when needed."

"It's sure a sleeper of an idea, Carlton," I said.

"A 1-2-3 one," he said.

"1, the consumer will see our rest-and-comfort products on TV in the middle of the night when they most need rest and comforting; 2, they'll sleepily pop in on our website-www.shluf.com-and our wide-awake and starry-eyed staff will-gently-service their needs; 3, and here's the clincher: We'll offer instant delivery without necessity for taking time off from work. They're already home. No time frames. No nasty customer service misunderstandings. We deliver all night long from 11 p.m. to 6 a.m., and can make three times as many stops, vis-a-vis standard 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. schedules. Consequently, we use less gas and have lower insurance premiums, which improves our profit and bottom line. That alone is a brand new idea on the Internet."

"Wow! Carlton!"

"In addition," he continued. "We offer House-Slipper Service. No noise, no honking horns, no cops, no parking tickets, no double parking. City mayors love the idea! And, most important, we offer the best in comfort-sleep aids: comforters that can be anchored to one side of a bed; silk sheets that match pajamas (tops or bottoms only); mattresses that can't slip off box springs; stay-put, non-wrinkling pillowcases; chamber music and lullabies featuring the finest, symphonic musicians. What do you think, Michael?"

"You've done it again, Carlton. It'll definitely put new confidence in the Nasdaq."

"Ciao! Hug your Bubbelah for me!"